A Brief E-Mail Primer
Learning the Lingo: E-mail Jargon and Acronyms
Table of Contents
- Your Handy English-Internet Phrase Book
- The Incendiary Internet: Playing the Flame Game
- An Initial Look at Internet Acronyms
- Internet Hieroglyphics: Smileys
- E-Mail Miscellanea
As you'd expect with anything that boasts millions of participants, the Internet is home to a wide variety of characters. In particular, the Net seems to attract more than its fair share of three kinds of folks: neologists, jargonauts, and nymrods.
- Neologists are people who coin new words and phrases by making them up, by enlisting existing words to perform new duties, or by combining two or more words into a new creation (the offspring of these lexical unions are called portmanteaus—a meaning coined by the inveterate neologist Lewis Carroll).
- Jargonauts are Net surfers who seek out new words and new phrases and who boldly try to get these coinages into general circulation by using them as often as possible.
- Nymrods are Net types who, without even the slightest sting of conscience or pang of doubt, insist on turning every multiword computer term into an acronym.
As you interact with the Internet through your e-mail account, you're bound to run into many examples of each kind of Net word hound. This means you'll be exposed to all kinds of new jargon, acronyms, and symbols that could threaten to render your incoming missives unintelligible. To help you decipher these electronic Dead Sea Scrolls, this section presents translations of the most common e-mail neologisms and acronyms.
Your Handy English-Internet Phrase Book
As I've said, learning the online vernacular is important if you hope to understand what the heck some Net denizens are talking about. At the same time, it'll also help if you can add to your e-mail messages a few choice morsels of Net patois (or Netois, as I guess you could put it). Experienced globetrotters maintain that you'll be greeted more warmly and treated more kindly by the locals if you learn a few key words and phrases in the language of the country you're visiting. This tip could easily be applied to the online world as well, so the jargon becomes a kind of lingua franca for the Net set. To get you on your way, here are some translations of a few common Internet idioms, with a special emphasis on e-mail-related terms:
- attachment A file linked to an e-mail message that hitches a ride to the recipient when the message is sent.
- bandwidth A measure of how much stuff can be crammed through a transmission medium such as a phone line or network cable. Or, to put it another way, bandwidth measures how much information can be sent between any two Internet sites. Because bandwidth is a finite commodity, many Net veterans are constantly cautioning profligate users against wasting bandwidth. In e-mail circles, this means keeping messages short and to the point, attaching large nontext files (especially graphics) only if you have to, quoting a minimal amount of the original article in a reply, and avoiding useless flame wars (I describe what these are later in this chapter).
- blind courtesy copy (bcc) A copy of an e-mail message that gets sent to a recipient without the knowledge of either the main recipient (the e-mail address in the To line) or the secondary recipients (the e-mail addresses in the Cc line).
- bounce message An error message returned by an e-mail system if a message can't be delivered (because, say, the address is wrong).
- filter A program or e-mail software command that scans incoming messages and automatically processes the messages based on the contents of, say, the From or Subject lines. For example, you can set up a filter to automatically delete messages sent from a particular e-mail address (this is known as a bozo filter).
- flame To post an insulting, emotional, caustic message. See the section "The Incendiary Internet: Playing the Flame Game," later in this chapter, for a complete look at Net flameology.
- foo, bar, foobar These words are used as placeholders in descriptions and instructions. For example, someone might say "To change to the /foo directory on a UNIX system, use the command cd/foo." Here, "foo" acts as a generic placeholder for a directory name. If two placeholders are needed, then both "foo" and "bar" are used, like so: "To FTP two files named foo and bar, use the mget command: mget foo bar." "Foobar" is often used as a single placeholder. It's derived from the military acronym FUBAR (bowdlerized version: Fouled Up Beyond All Recognition). Other, more rare placeholder words are baz and quux (don't ask).
- forward To pass along a received message to another e-mail address.
- mail bombing To send numerous (and, usually, long) e-mail messages to a person's e-mail address (this is also called e-mail terrorism).
- mailbox The file where your incoming messages are stored. As you'll see, Internet Mail lets you divide your mailbox into different folders (for example, one for business mail, one for personal mail, and so forth).
- postmaster The overworked, underpaid person in an e-mail system who has the responsibilities of making sure that the system runs smoothly and troubleshooting problems when it doesn't.
- sig quote A quotation added to a signature. Most people choose quotations that reflect their character or their politics.
- spam Unsolicited (and almost always unwanted) e-mail messages offering special deals or get-rich-quick schemes.
The Incendiary Internet: Playing the Flame Game
Everybody—even the calmest and most level-headed among us—has a particular bugaboo or bête noire that gets under their skin and makes their blood boil. In the real world, it could be people who drive too slow in the fast lane, discourteous types who butt in ahead of you in line, or those annoying late-night infomercials. In the online world, it could be a thoughtless remark, a misunderstood attempt at humor, or a vicious mail bomb.
Whatever the reason, the immediate reaction usually is to pull out the electronic version of your poison pen and compose an emotionally charged, scathing reply dripping with sarcasm and venomous abuse. Such messages are called flames, and they're an unfortunate fact of life on the Net. Firing off a particularly inventive flame might make you feel better, but its likely effect will be to make the recipient madder than a hoot owl. Your target will, almost certainly, flame your flame, and before you know it, a full-blown flame war will have broken out.
Flaming has become such an integral part of Internet culture that it has developed its own subgenre of colorful lingo and phrases. Here's a brief primer on flame jargon:
- asbestos longjohns What e-mailers put on (metaphorically speaking, of course) before sending a message that they expect will get flamed. Other popular flame-retardant garments are asbestos overcoats and asbestos underwear.
- burble Similar to a flame, except that the burbler is considered to be dumb, incompetent, or ignorant.
- dictionary flame A flame that criticizes someone for spelling or grammatical gaffes.
- firefighters People who attempt to put out flame wars before they get out of hand.
- flamage The content of a flame. This word seems to be a portmanteau of the words "flame" and "verbiage."
- flame bait Provocative material in a message that will likely elicit flames in response.
- flame warrior A person who surfs the Net looking for flame bait. Someone who tries to start flame wars intentionally.
- flamer A person who flames regularly.
- rave A particularly irritating type of flame in which the writer rambles on ad nauseam, even after a flame war has ended.
An Initial Look at Internet Acronyms
For many users, acronyms are the bugbears and hobgoblins of computer life. They imply a hidden world of meaning that only the cognoscenti and those "in the know" are privy to. The Internet, in particular, is a maddeningly rich source of TLAs (three-letter acronyms) and other ciphers. To help you survive the inevitable onslaught of Internet acronymy, here's a list of the most commonly used initials in Net discourse:
| AAMOF | As a matter of fact.
| | AFAIK | As far as I know.
| | BTW | By the way.
| | CU | See you (as in "see you later").
| | DIIK | Damned if I know.
| | F2F | Face-to-face.
| | FAQ | Frequently Asked Questions. These are lists that appear in many Usenet newsgroups to provide answers to questions that newcomers ask over and over.
| | FAWOMPT | Frequently argued waste of my precious time.
| | FAWOMFT | Frequently argued waste of my foolish time (bowdlerized version).
| | FOAF | Friend of a friend. Used to imply that information was obtained third-hand, or worse.
| | FOTCL | Falling off the chair laughing.
| | FTF | Face-to-face.
| | FYA | For your amusement.
| | FYI | For your information.
| | HHOK | Ha ha only kidding.
| | HHOJ | Ha ha only joking.
| | HHOS | Ha ha only serious (used with ironic jokes and satire that contain some truth).
| | IANAL | I am not a lawyer.
| | IMCO | In my considered opinion.
| | IMHO | In my humble opinion. (In practice, however, opinions prefaced by IMHO are rarely humble. See IMNSHO.)
| | IMO | In my opinion.
| | IMNSHO | In my not-so-humble opinion. (This more accurately reflects most of the opinions one sees on the Internet!)
| | IOW | In other words.
| | IWBNI | It would be nice if.
| | IYFEG | Insert your favorite ethnic group. Used in off-color and offensive jokes and stories to avoid insulting any particular ethnic group, race, religion, or sex. You'll sometimes see <ethnic> instead.
| | KISS | Keep it simple, stupid.
| | LOL | Laughing out loud.
| | MEGO | My eyes glaze over.
| | MOTAS | Member of the appropriate sex.
| | MOTOS | Member of the opposite sex.
| | MOTSS | Member of the same sex.
| | MUD | Multiple User Dimension (or Multiple User Dungeon). A text-based, role-playing fantasy adventure game.
| | NRN | No response necessary.
| | OIC | Oh, I see.
| | OS | Operating system.
| | OTOH | On the other hand.
| | OTT | Over the top.
| | PD | Public domain.
| | PMJI | Pardon my jumping in.
| | PONA | Person of no account. Used disparagingly to describe someone who isn't part of the Internet set (that is, someone who doesn't have an Internet account).
| | ROTF | Rolling on the floor.
| | ROTFL | Rolling on the floor laughing.
| | ROTFLOL | Rolling on the floor laughing out loud.
| | RSN | Real soon now (read: never).
| | RTFF | Read the fine FAQ. (See RTFM.)
| | RTFM | Read the fabulous manual. (Another bowdlerized version.) This is an admonition to users that they should try to answer a question themselves before asking for help. This might seem harsh, but self-reliance is a fundamental characteristic of Internet life. Most Net types have figured things out for themselves, and they expect everyone else to do the same. This means reading hardware and software manuals and, in Usenet, checking out the FAQ lists newsgroups.
| | SO | Significant other.
| | TFS | Thanks for sharing.
| | TIA | Thanks in advance.
| | TIC | Tongue in cheek.
| | TPTB | The powers that be.
| | TTFN | Ta-ta for now.
| | TTYL | Talk to you later.
| | WOBTAM | Waste of both time and money.
| | WRT | With respect to.
| | YABA | Yet another bloody acronym.
| | YMMV | Your mileage may vary. This acronym means the advice/info/instructions just given might not work for you exactly as described. |
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NOTE: MORE ACRONYMS | |
If you come across an acronym that's not covered here, the Web's Acronym Database lets you look up acronyms or find acronyms whose expansion contains a particular word. Surf to the following page to check it out:
http://www.ucc.ie/acronyms/
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Internet Hieroglyphics: Smileys
Flame wars ignite for various reasons: derogatory material, the skewering of one sacred cow or another, or just for the heck of it (see flame warrior in the list of flame phrases given earlier in this chapter). But one of the most common reasons for flame wars is that someone misinterprets a wryly humorous, sarcastic, or ironic remark as insulting or offensive. The problem is that the nuances and subtleties of wry humor and sarcasm are difficult to convey in print. You know your intent, but someone else (especially those for whom English isn't their first language) might see things completely differently.
To help prevent such misunderstandings, and to grease the wheels of Net social interaction, cute little symbols called smileys (or, more rarely, emoticons) have been developed. The name comes from the following combination of symbols: :-). If you rotate this page clockwise so the left edge is at the top, you'll see that this combination looks like a smiling face. You'd use it to indicate to your readers that the previous statement was intended to be humorous or, at least, not serious.
The basic smiley is the one you'll encounter most often, but there are all kinds of others to tilt your head over (some of which are useful, most of which are downright silly). Here's a sampling:
| ;-) | I'm winking
| | :-( | I'm sad
| | :-> | I'm smug
| | :-t | I'm cross
| | :-\ | I'm undecided
| | :-o | I'm shocked
| | :-& | I'm tongue-tied
| | |-| | I'm asleep (boredom)
| | :-c | I'm bummed out
| | :-# | My lips are sealed
| | 8-| | I'm in suspense
| | :-< | I'm sad
| | 8-# | I'm dead
| | :-I | Hmmm
| | :-7 | I'm being wry
| | :-p | I'm sticking my tongue out
| | :-9 | I'm licking my lips
| | :-* | I just ate a sour pickle
| | :>) | I have a big nose
| | %-) | I'm cross-eyed
| | #-) | I partied all night
| | [:-) | I'm listening to headphones
| | (-: | I'm left-handed
| | :- | I'm male
| | :-Q | I smoke
| | :-? | I smoke a pipe
| | :-{ | I have a mustache
| | :-% | I have a beard
| | (-) | I need a haircut
| | {:-) | I part my hair in the middle
| | {(:-) | I'm wearing a toupee
| | }(:-( | I'm wearing toupee in the wind
| | -:-) | I have a mohawk
| | (:)-) | I like to scuba dive
| | 0-) | I wear a scuba mask
| | :-)X | I wear a bow tie
| | :-} | I wear lipstick
| | @:I | I wear a turban
| | 8-) | I wear glasses
| | ::-) | I wear bifocals
| | B-) | I wear horn-rims
| | :-)8 | I'm well-dressed
| | :-0 | I'm an orator
| | :<| | I attend an Ivy League school
| | +:-| | I'm a priest
| | +-(:-) | I'm the pope
| | [:|] | I'm a robot
| | *:o) | I'm a bozo
| | o-) | I'm a Cyclops
| | :> | I'm a midget
| | 8:] | I'm a gorilla
| | =:-) | I'm a punk rocker
| | %-^ | I'm Picasso
| | *<|:-) | I'm Santa Claus (Ho Ho Ho) |
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NOTE: DON'T OVERDO IT! | |
Smileys are an easy way to convey meaning in your online writings, but don't lean on them too heavily. Overusing smileys means that your writing isn't as clear as it could be, and it also can automatically brand you as a dreaded newbie or as terminally cute.
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E-Mail Miscellanea
To round out our tour of the sights and sounds you'll come across in the e-mail world, let's look at a few miscellaneous conventions and symbols that you're sure to stumble upon in your travels:
- Adding emphasis in your messages. Earlier, I told you that you can add emphasis to your messages by using UPPERCASE letters. However, many people interpret uppercase words as shouting, so other emphasis conventions are normally used. The most common is to bracket a word or phrase with asterisks, like *this*. You'll occasionally see other characters around a word such as the _underscore_, the exclamation !mark!, and the greater-than and less-than >signs<. To get degrees of emphasis, some people use multiple characters, like ****this**** or like >>>>>this<<<<<. Rarely, you'll also see words "underlined" with carets (^), as shown here:
Why does everyone hate poor Barney the Dinosaur?
^^^^^^^^
- Conveying mood with non-smileys. As you saw in the preceding section, smileys are a handy way to make sure that your messages aren't misunderstood. However, many people find those little faces to be insufferably cute and so wouldn't be caught dead using them. Instead, they use the following "non-smileys":
| Symbol | What It Means
| | <g> | Grinning, smiling
| | <vbg> | Very big grin
| | <eg> | Evil grin
| | <l> | Laughing
| | <lol> | Laughing out loud
| | <i> | Irony
| | < | Sighing
| | <jk> | Just kidding
| | <> | No comment |
- Simulating a backspace. In oral conversation, you can achieve an ironic effect by saying one thing, then saying, "Oops, I mean," and then saying something else. To simulate this effect in writing, you can use the ^H symbol. Let's look at an example:
"Please tell this bozo^H^H^H^Hperson that ads aren't allowed in this group!"
- You'd read this as "Please tell this bozo—oops, I mean person—that ads aren't allowed in this group!" The idea is that you add as many ^Hs as there are letters in the word you're trying to "backspace" out. Why ^H? Well, the caret (^) stands for the Ctrl key on a keyboard, so ^H actually represents the key combination Ctrl-H. And, in some UNIX systems, you press Ctrl-H to delete the character to the left of the cursor.
The artwork displayed throughout this primer is Copyright © Judd Winick.
Copyright © 1995-2012 Paul McFedries and Logophilia Limited
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